Our 43rd Anniversary

Dear Rusty,

I would like to think that if you were still here with me that we would be away somewhere warm celebrating our 43rd year as husband and wife.  Perhaps it would be in Aruba, the place you had loved so much.  Tonight we would have a wonderful dinner together and a cocktail to commemorate such a milestone.  I’d also like to think that we would both finally be retired and able to do things together when we wanted to and not be forced to adhere to any work vacation schedule.

I clearly remember that day all those years ago.  It was a beautiful Fall day — one that I had waited oh so long for.  By today’s standards we were babies.  I was only 21 and you were 23.  I also remember so clearly the night of our wedding when I was suddenly overcome with emotion and sadness and burst into tears.  You were so worried and asked what was wrong and I told you.  I was acutely aware all of a sudden that all of my happiness would be over one day when one of us would be forced to leave the other — when one of us would die and the other would be left alone.  As time went on and we grew older, I always thought it would be me to leave first.  Never in a million years did I ever imagine that I would be left alone and that it would be you who would go first.

These past two years and two months have been so sad for me.  I am so very lonely without you.  Time has marched on and I seem to be ok on the outside, but I’m not.  I hate coming home to the quiet empty house — which, by the way reminds me.  You must have been surprised to see my mom and your dad so soon after you arrived.  Life surely has changed, but my love for you remains the same.

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